Another Year

has come & gone. It seems to get faster every year. You have no time to enjoy the little things.

The new year brought with it, it's share of trials already. After going to a birthday dinner for one of my nieces, I came out to a car with a flat front tire. Ugh! Proceeded to change the flat out for the "donut" and lo & behold the "donut" was flat as well. (Doh!) That means I had to call AAA to come and tow us home. Thank God for nice tow truck drivers. He was so kind and efficient in his work. He made a bad situation a little more bearable for those of us who don't think to check the air in the spare every now & then. (DOH again). This all meant that on New Year's day I had to spend my morning getting a new tire and I also decided I was done with the "donut" as the spare. Got a real tire! My husband would be so proud. He hated those "piece of crap things they call tires". He would have blown a gasket if he were here to witness that masterpiece of idiocy. I heard his voice in my head over & over the whole time we were waiting for the tow truck. It made me smile a little believe it or not.

Now with the crisis over, I can concentrate on moving into 2011 and trying to navigate these waters with a little more experience under my belt. I'm by no means an expert, but I feel a little more confident than I did last year this time. I'm beginning to feel like I can face anything. I'm getting used to being alone which in a way makes me sad because that means I have gotten to the place where I have accepted my fate which means I know my John is gone. While that may sound crazy to some, it's been my life for the last year & a half. Knowing he's gone, hoping it's a nightmare that I'm waiting to come out of. There is no nightmare. It's real. But I can make it and I will. Thanks to God, family, friends and football, I will be productive again. I will have an identity of my own.

I still miss him. I still have a long ways to go but I'm more comfortable with the road that I'm on at this point. I recognize the landscape and know that I'm heading in the right direction.