Easy Come...Hard Go

Every so often God places an angel right where you need them. Just in the right place and at the right time. It can be a chance meeting in the mall or perhaps a coincidental swim in a pool at the gym. Either way, it's not orchestrated by human hands but something more omniscient instead.

Not looking...yet finding.

One such angel fell into my life not so long ago. I was in a place where few dare to venture. Alone and wondering if any degree of happiness would ever enter my world again. Wallowing in a pity party extraordinaire.

Then...BAM! An angel broke the surface of the water in that pool. "Hi there", he said. I was taken aback by the friendliness of this stranger. With a smile that lit up his whole face he said, "you swim pretty good there. How long have you been swimming like that?". I answered. A conversation ensued. We met up again about 3 or so months later at the same gym in the same pool area.

We became something. It was never quite clear to me what that something was. There was never a label put on it. But it felt good. I had often wondered, since losing my husband a year ago at the time, if I could "date" and not have guilt feelings. In my mind, I thought if and when that "dating" opportunity arises, I may feel like I'm doing something wrong. The answer to that was a resounding NO.

This angel lifted my heart and gave me a new & improved outlook on life. He touched places that had lain dormant for years. No..No..No..I'm not talking about physical places, but places within. Places that had endured the loss of a child and more recently the loss of a husband. In a few short months, this angel mended the broken places with just a flash of his smile. All the questions that had so often entered my mind since the death of my husband were answered.

Would someone ever be interested in me again? YES.
Would someone find me interesting enough to spend time with? YES.
Would I feel good about sharing time with someone other than the man I just spent 25 years with? YES.
Was it different? YES. It was supposed to be.
Would I compare this guy to my husband on any level? YES. It was inevitable. I'm only human afterall. Did he come up short? Don't ask...Don't tell. :-)

Bottomline: Just when you think that things will never change, God sends an angel.

My angel is now my friend. A friend to whom I'll always be grateful for something he will probably do numerous times in the future. He changed my perspective and gave me a new view of life. He taught me that when you least expect it...expect it. He reminded me that nothing is a given and things don't always turn out the way you hope. I'd much rather suffer the loss than never to have had the experience. He entered on a blaze of glory, he rode out softly leaving his mark on my life.

I owe him more than I can ever repay in my lifetime. I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for him and I'll always be there for him to lean on.

The funny thing is that he doesn't even realize what he's done. He was just being who he is at the time.

Life in the Fast Lane..

Wow! It's been quite some time since I've posted on this blog. I'm slipping!

My life has made some definite changes over the past few months. They've come at break neck speed. It's amazing how time does seem to be the balm that comforts the pain. While I still miss my husband to no end, the sting has lessened somewhat. Getting out & meeting people has helped that immensely.

The young man that came into my life at seemingly the right moment has made some changes in his life. Although I don't know if the changes are permanent, I do know that he seems more like he should be. We keep in touch on a daily basis and he shares alot of his life w/me in conversation. I wasn't sure if I really was ready for any type of relationship w/this man or any other for that matter, but I find myself enjoying the moments that we share. We are not "an item" by any means, but we do have a building relationship...one stone at a time.

He makes me smile and I hadn't done that in quite some time. He lifted my heart when I didn't think it would ever feel light again. He doesn't understand the enormity of what he did for me by just being himself. He has a long way to go in the maturity department even though he's 45y/o. His emotional man is somewhat stunted. That's frustrating for someone like me. I'd love to get my hands on the person who lead him to be this way. He has so much potential to be a wonderful mate for someone but he shies away from it constantly.

Anyhoo, life in the widow hood happens fast and if you're not careful you may miss something that's important.

You can live again. I can live again and not feel like I'm betraying my husband. He'd want me to be happy. I'm not as happy as I could be but I'm not as sad as I used to be either. It will all come together. I know one thing for sure, if it's not meant to be...it won't. So I'm gonna stay on the train and ride it until it gets to the final station. Only then will I step off. It will have been a learning experience and I hope it will have changed both of us for the better.