There should be a GPS for widow hood. I have no clue what I'm doing here. I don't seem to fit in anywhere amongst my friends. They are either married, divorced, single or "involved". They look at me sometimes with pity in their eyes.
I get to a fork in the road and I have no idea which way to go. Some days it feels that no matter which direction I take, it's not right. Dead ends and one way streets litter my life scape.
You see someone you might be interested in spending some time with and then all of these questions run through your mind. "Are they married?", "Do they have a girlfriend?", "Should I talk to them?", "Am I ready to make that step?", "Will I compare them to my spouse?"
It's too much. It overwhelms me. Who would have thought that at the age of 46, I would have to start all over again? Learn someone all over again after I had already put that work in on someone else. But that someone, like my wise but blount brother-in-law recently said to me, is "gone, dead, no longer here, so what you gonna do?"
What am I gonna do, indeed.
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