Well, crisis averted! My stupidity didn't cost me anything too valuable; although I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I'm not so sure I like handing the keys to someone else after being the driver for so many years.
Once I removed my foot from my mouth, things began to be a lot less tense for me. I knew I had over stepped my bounds and I felt bad about it. My friend didn't deserve that. He was an innocent bystander to my desire to protect me from being a fool. Which I accomplished w/great ease and agility btw. Turns out I didn't need his help to be a fool. I can do a fantastic job of it all by myself. How wonderful a revelation. <eyeroll>
So the keys are in his hands and I'm sitting back and taking/waiting for the ride to begin. I can't help but still feel something's not quite right here. Perhaps that's paranoia, perhaps wisdom. I don't know for sure. It's the little things that aren't adding up here and if you add up enough little things, they become a big thing. I'm trying not to do that. But it's difficult.
So.....I just squander time w/useless things to occupy my time while I wait on someone else to decide my fate. Ewwwww...that doesn't taste good to me at all. My late husband would be thoroughly disappointed. But.....we do what we have to do to survive. Right now, I like my friend being in my life no matter how brief a time interval it is. If & when I tire of this....this...."stepping aside" moment, I shall voice it and take it from there.
This would be a heckuva lot easier if he weren't so easy on the eyes. That has complicated things. Good looks do get those that possess them privileges that the rest of us regular people can't even fathom. Amazing! I never considered myself a superficial person, but apparently, I am. Sad. Disappointment #2.
I've accepted a role I normally wouldn't have b/c he's so dern hot! Pathetic! But OMG, what I wouldn't give to lay 1 on him! Good Lawd!
So the dust has settled and I'm trying to be content with this role I've accepted for the sake of a pretty boy. Yes...It's been that long for me! LOL
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