There are times during this journey that one might feel that going on w/one's life is a chore that may be insurmountable (look it up James..lol). The loss of a loved one tends to bring everything you thought was right w/the world into question. Was there more that I could've done? Did I do all the right things? Did I fulfill their wishes as best as I could? Why now? How will I move forward? Can I do this on my own? What, if any, goodness is left?
The ups & downs, the backs & forths, the to's & fro's come at you at blinding speeds. You're not ready for all that is life after death. But here I was..plunged into a world that I knew nothing about in the blink of an eye. Alone for the first time in 25 years. What the what?
What do you do with all that spare time you've suddenly been handed? Usually you fill it w/menial tasks. Get out of the house. Hang out w/friends. Join a gym. Meet new people. Join an online dating site. Meet more new people. Sift through the endless sea of profiles and pictures. How do you choose someone based on their own words? How honest are they? Do they measure up? And to whose standards? Mine? Theirs? Society's?
Dust off the old B.S. radar. You're gonna need it. Dating in your 40's is nothing like dating in your 20's. You're older and wiser now. You're not gonna fall for any and every thing. Everything that looks good isn't always good for you. Weed out the less desirable w/the click of a mouse. AWESOME!
Just when you think there are no good men left...BAM! Along comes one...6 ft tall w/the most piercing eyes I've ever had the pleasure of gazing into. BUT...is he for real? For the first time in a long time, I feel alive inside again. But let's not get too carried away...it's early yet.
Life is for the living. It's just a different sort of life than I had before. I'm getting used to being unmarried. But it also feels good to have someone interested again. So I put one foot in front of the other...I breathe...inhale/exhale...Life goes on...little by little. Different yet the same.
Hmmm...who knew?
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